Where We’ve Been

Friends,

It has taken only a year to sit down and write this post (haha). I am FINALLY holding space to write this to you and let you know what’s truly been going on.

You might be thinking, “where have you been?”

Yes, I am still posting on Instagram but in the last year I’ve found I’ve really dialed back. Although I still overshare on most things in my life, our biggest hurdle wasn’t mine to share. But with Rudy’s permission, we are finally ready to share a little bit on this past year.

 A quick recap:

As many of you know, in 2020 we started building Valley Commons Winery from the ground up. After quarantining all summer with the world (my first summer without Team Canada) we left for Paris in the fall to play one more professional season – this was mine and Rudy’s FIRST TIME both playing on pro teams in the same country (and it was awesome). Throughout this year, we took many late nights zoom calls and worked through all the things we needed to in order to hit the ground running with our new business endeavour when we came home in April. A few months into 2021, we ended up purchasing Stoneboat Vineyards, the historical winery in Oliver just off the Black Sage Bench. After our Paris seasons, we flew home and moved to the Okanagan. We lived in a motor home in Penticton, making the drive to Oliver every morning to work on, now, two businesses – Stoneboat Vineyards (which was still operating) and Valley Commons (which was to open later in the summer). The beginning of September FINALLY meant the opening of Valley Commons in the District Wine Village. That was a Monday. On Sunday evening I found out I was pregnant (surprise!). And that my friends, is the beginning of the season we are in now.

It's been three years of THROWING ourselves in the middle of the wine industry. I’ll have to save that as a completely different blog post because wow… it is not for the faint of heart. It’s amazing but so incredibly challenging. We started this business with Rudy’s dad and uncle, quickly bringing in some amazing investors. Having this all on mine and Rudy’s shoulders was incredibly challenging as you could imagine. Managing that money, a completely new life, mourning volleyball careers, trying to learn a new industry, let alone running a company – agh. Oh, and we purchased a beautiful house and property with Rudy’s parents in Fort Langley. PLUS a new baby on the way. Do not recommend.

I read in a grief book once, you’re only supposed to do a few ‘major life changes’ at once. The fewer the better. I think out of the 20 examples on the page, Rudy and I were in the middle of 18 of them.

Halfway through my pregnancy, my beloved dad had a heart attack. We were in Hawaii with Rudy’s family, so it was mayhem and panic to try to get home. Personally, I remember thinking I didn’t want to catch a plane. I was in so much disbelief and pure heartbreak that I couldn’t really move (everyone else stepped up around me to pack bags and book flights because I was in complete shock). Getting on the plane, facing this new horrific reality, was just something I didn’t want to do. But we had to.

Thrown into the throngs of grief during my first pregnancy, trying to wrap my head around the fact that my dad was gone and would be missing out on his first grandchild just about did me in. I was still working, although minimally, but ended up going on sickness leave because it was just too much. As a result, Rudy took over managing the entire company as well as my marketing day to day. He was extremely close with my dad but in my opinion, because I was grieving so hard, there wasn’t a lot of space for him to do the same – especially as the business continued to build.

Then baby Mack arrived – the literal angel of my life. Again, will make sure to post about this time because it was simultaneously the most beautiful and most challenging thing I/we have ever done. Holy moly. Rudy went back to work fairly quickly, and I tried my best to keep this small human alive. Holy f*ck it’s no joke.

The whole year after Mack was born (although likely started when Dad passed away) was so so hard. Rudy and I weren’t doing great. But again, who would blame us with a new intense business, a new house, a new baby, retiring from our sport. It made SENSE that we weren’t doing well, but it was really becoming apparent to me how much Rudy was struggling.

For about 8 months I would plead with Rudy to try and change something – anything. “You need to start working out again,” “why don’t you come on a walk with us,” “you need to put up some boundaries between home and work,” but it usually fell on deaf ears. And not aggressively so*, he would just respond with “there is so much work to do.”

Rudy took on so much (all) of the business when my dad passed away, and as the time progressed, I think people just assumed he could and WOULD do it all. The pressures of being there for me and Mackie but also being completely engulfed in the business (working first thing in the morning BEFORE 9-5pm and then again at night) was suffocating. He’s expressed to me that he felt like he was failing in everything – he couldn’t put enough time and energy into business or into Mack and our family, so everything felt like a failure.

May 2023 offered us the white flag. After months and months of experiencing panic attacks (although we didn’t realize that’s what they were because they presented a little bit differently), one finally became the last straw. When he looked at me and said “ok, I think I need help,” I ran with it, immediately texting his parents that Rudy will be taking time off work indefinitely. He had such a strong pull to make this business succeed for his dad, for the investors, that for him to heal, he needed to be completely removed. The panic attacks Rudy was experiencing started off happening every few months, then every month, then every few weeks, until they were happening so often, is when he realized continuing to move forward like this would result in a bleak outcome.

And this has been our situation in 2023. Again, outrageously challenging. It pushed our marriage and pushed us individually (not in a good way). But through it all, Rudy realized that business was not for him. Ultimately, he couldn’t separate work from home and home from work and it was nearly impossible for him to create any boundaries that would solve that. I know a lot of entrepreneurs have that challenge.

SO. HERE WE ARE. PRESENT DAY.

 For the past year Rudy has stepped away from the business and the winery teams were able to pick up his responsibilities. I continued working a few weeks prior to my caesarian with baby Wesley but am currently still on mat leave. He (and we) are doing much better – thanks for wondering .  Although it hasn’t been completely stress free as we now entered into the land of ‘two under two’ and Rudy has been managing our home vineyard completely on his own (and somehow learning and teaching himself exactly what to do), but it’s been better.

During this past year, Rudy has been on the path to becoming a firefighter! December was crazy – 21 days straight of training plus a million other medical courses to boot. I’ll fast forward through the rest of this past year and share that he got an offer to Nanaimo as well as one on the Lower Mainland. Thus became the biggest decision ever – do we stay put or move to Vancouver Island?

We are currently on the most beautiful property of all time, on the outskirts of Fort Langley. It’s unbelievably idyllic. As I write that, I’m still unsure of why we’d choose to leave. But the fact of the matter is life is SO. EXPENSIVE. Living anywhere from Vancouver to Chilliwack is so much. Housing prices (mortgage) just eat up anyone’s salary and we got curious as to what it would be like if we didn’t have to stress every single week. The Island feels like the last frontier – housing prices are unmatched, and it feels almost unfair what a house goes for over there vs. one on the Lower Mainland. I grew up with the ferry (Sunshine Coast) and swore I’d never do that again… but here we are. We’re going to try it. Taking a large leap of faith and holding onto the larger vision of what we want in life; more time to spend with our boys and not always be trying to make more money every chance we get. Access to the outdoors and the ocean and doing life with my brother are also extremely important.  

And with all that being said, I’m honestly not PUMPED about the move. The long-term vision is what I want, yes, but I am in love with our property, with Fort Langley, and the community that we have built over the past few years. I have some precious mom friends I do daily life with and I’m so sad to see that go.  I am hoping that I will find the same in Nanaimo. 

We’ll be trying to find a rental property over in Nanaimo or beyond for December most likely, as we wait for our beautiful Fort Langley property to sell. So many moving parts – but stay tuned as we navigate our next big adventure!

Thanks for being here. xx