Retirement

This is a post that I have avoided the last few months. And a decision that took me a really long time to make. 

I have decided to retire from Team Canada. 

Even writing those words, it knocks the wind out of me. A team that I have spent the last 15 years being a part of. Half of my life has been spent representing Canada, competing all over the world with the flag on my chest. 

Three quadrennials, three runs for an Olympic berth, three world championships and countless other tournaments, along side beautiful, strong, and brave women.

Through 12 years on the senior team, I have seen a lot of players come and go. The most awe-worthy thing about this is that a player can come in for 1 or 8 years and still leave their mark. Maybe they have positively influenced another player, fought for program change, or made a bold move into the international market. However small their mark may seem, it moves the entire program forward.

THAT is something I am really starting to realize as I step out of the fast paced sports life; volleyball all year round with little time for deep recovery (or any real recovery for that matter). Suddenly it’s my time to move aside and hope that my impact was big enough to make a splash and that my legacy will have had a small impact on the program. 

Some of my very best friends are beside me to my left and right, making the difficult decision to retire. The amount of hours we have spent in the gym (oh my lord it’s too many to think about), the countless impromptu meetings of how we can help steer this program in the direction it deserves, and what we can do on the day to day to make our team better, the quiet bus rides post-loss, the celebrations after massive wins, the HOURS on planes and busses all over the world, and to be quite honest, how we would survive (during some hardships)... my goodness. The change we have seen over the last couple of quads, three head coaches and a full staff change, sacrifices to put ourselves second year after year and sacrifices of only having a few weeks off every summer — it’s not for the faint of heart. 

It’s hard to describe how vulnerable you have to be to enter this job whole heartedly. Break apart and begin again time after time. Change under new staff year after year and adapt to new players coming into the program, your role changing, dreams being recharged or dreams being broken. 

It’s a constant ebb and flow of breaking under pressure, rising to the occasion, letting yourself down, being brave and rising to the challenge. Vulnerability and fight at its finest. 

For many years it always felt like a momentous climb for our team — us against the world. But we continued to believe in ourselves and the future. Moving to Richmond, we worked hard to make connections in our community and to find our circles of those who believed in us and supported us through the years. Your support IS felt by us as a National Team. I really want to drive that home. We see the people working hard for us who aren’t in the limelight and we could cry from gratitude. Don’t stop believing in this group. There are ups and downs and growing pains through every sports dynasty. This squad is going to continue to do big things. 

SO. Rudy and I are tackling our next adventure (who likes wine?!) but I’m sure you haven’t seen the last of me in any gym :) 

Dedicating so much to this program, literally blood sweat and tears for over half of my life, has been a tremendous honour. The dream of competing at the Olympic Games propelled me forward; to change the direction and legacy of Volleyball Canada even a tiny bit before I retired. Maybe it wasn’t written for me to compete at the Games but I am certain you’ll see the squad there one day soon. 

You are all amazing. Since I was a little 15 year old girl coming out of junior tryouts in complete shock that I made it, training with the A team for the first time in my life, a decade of tournaments and three world championships — everyone reading this helped propel me forward. My family helped me survive the impossible days. My teammates became family and my inspiration over the years. 

I appreciate you all tremendously. xx ciao for now.